'Twas the Night Before Christmas

My Mom (Martha Hewett) and I have been trying, individually and collectively, to come up with something to say about the holidays without Harrison. After trying and getting too upset and quitting and trying again and going too deep and throwing in the towel, we've come up with something a tad more simple:

‘Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house
Something wasn’t quite right, it was quiet as a mouse!
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,
In hopes that Harrison soon would be there…

We desperately wish Harrison were here, but unfortunately we can't change his absence. We are thankful for the time we had with him and we would like to point out a few great things that have come about because of his death: sobriety, Bike & Build, and the Faith Home dormitory. We are thankful also for the relationships that have been formed or strengthened since.

This post isn't what I want it to be. At all. But it's all I can muster before getting fed up and aborting the mission again.

Why am I discouraged? Why is my heart so sad? I will put my hope in God! I will praise him again--my Savior and my God!
Psalm 43:5

Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!

Little Pieces of the Puzzle

Here's a brief summary of what's been going on over the past few weeks re: Bike & Build.

A. I passed B&B's online safety quiz!

B. I have now raised over $1,000! This (in conjunction with point A) means I am eligible to order the bike I will ride this summer. As soon as the new year rolls in B&B will contact an LBS (local bike shop) so that I can begin the ordering process. The women's base model that B&B is using this year is the Giant Avail 3. If I get to pick the color, I'm going with the black/red/white:

C. I ordered business cards so I can spread the word more efficiently/effectively!

D. I joined The Joint, a national chain of chiropratic clinics. I want to make sure my body is properly aligned going into this summer because I know I will be pushing my body to it's limits.

E. I also joined a new indoor cycling studio called C Cycle. This studio is the first of its kind in South Carolina; the bikes they have are called Real Ryder and are unique in that they move with your body unlike standard stationary bikes. The owner of C Cycle, Cesar Leon, has been very supportive and I have really enjoyed getting to know him and his staff! I encourage everyone in the area to check it out. Click here to visit C Cycle Studio's website! (Cesar, if you would like to leave a comment below, please feel free to advertise further!)

F. B&B released the 2014 Rider Manual. I spent almost an entire weekend reading 120+ pages. I only have one section left to go!

G. My mom bought me a hydration backpack and sleeping bag! Merry Christmas to me!

Phew, I think that's about it!

As always, thank you to everyone who has shown support!

Rider Profile

Also, a quick note: my rider profile is up and running on Bike & Build's website. I've written a short bio and have posted a picture there if you're interested. I guarantee you though, you're getting way more of a behind the scenes view from here. Anyway, Bike & Build tracks how far I am in reaching my fundraising goal on my rider profile so you access that information easily. As of now, I've raised 17%!

Check it: My Rider Profile

Hope Floats

Today I went to counseling and told Bert the big (B&B) news! I shared with him what this opportunity has meant to me so far and I want to share it here as well:

After my brother died, I was initially heartbroken, but optimistic. I clung to the people I loved and clung to Jesus and the Bible for comfort. Maybe I was just in shock. Or denial. Nevertheless, I think I really believed that everything would be okay. A couple months later anger and bitterness tried make it's home in my heart and I let it in, quickly giving up the fight. Since then, I've experienced depravity, depression, and despair on a level I never thought possible for "someone like myself" (whatever that means). I've literally cursed the God I once claimed to love and belong to. (I'm talking like one-sided, screaming, two-year-old tantrums, here.) I've slammed the door of my soul shut in God's face and turned my back on him countless times as I've tried to make sense of the raw pain that has entered my life. Bottom line, losing my brother has proven that I don't have the integrity I thought I did when it comes to my faith in Jesus. I've failed to maintain trust in God. And it has undoubtedly affected the way I perceive and interact with the world around me.

While this remains true, Bike and Build has become a symbol of hope for me. It has given me a renewed sense of purpose, something to look forward. I'm being given the chance to turn something so terrible as Harrison's death into something that is productive and positive. And for that, I am thankful. (Yes, thankful to God.)

Here are lyrics from a song I listened to on my ride last Friday. It sincerely encourages me and you might find it does the same for you if you're in a rough spot. It's called "Anchor" by Beautiful Eulogy. I suggest listening to the entire Satellite Kite album. (It will blow your mind!) Also, their new CD called Instruments of Mercy can be downloaded for free on Noise Trade. 

"When it’s a quarter past midnight
And the grey skies fade to black
The waves splash and set me off track
So my vessel might crash or collapse, when I’m attacked
And start wrestling in my head with these bad memories from my past
I’m aware of my guilt
Overwhelmed and the smell of my blood
Has the sharks that surround me cast under a spell
They waited for me to fall
But when I fell the water got still
And the blood that was spilled protects
It’s the same blood that cleansed me
My only defense against my nemesis
Now I can rest knowing nothing can come against me unless the Father gives consent
Evil intentions will not disturb God’s purposes or interfere so
Whom should I fear if my Anchor is secure?
Learning to consider it pure joy when I’m facing tribulations
Praising God instead of complaining and getting overtaken with bitterness
Looking at the pages of the book of James
And seeing the ways that God works through the trials to make us more mature in our faith
It reminds me how desperate I am in this desert land
Thirsty for your mercy and plan while you give me the strength to stand
You’re my greatest pleasure
Yeah, no matter the weather I face
Lord you never forsake
My fragile life is safe under your sovereign grace 

Anchor of my soul, you sustain
When I’m in the storm, you remain
You remain, good to me
Good to me
Oh, Lord
You’re good to me, you’re good to me
Good to me

At some point every human looks right in the eyes of agony
And through tragedy asks himself, ”How can this happen to me?”
You might be the type with enough insight to hold on to your dear life
But slip because your grip is not as tight as you might like
You ain’t immune to it, naw
And if you’re true to yourself then you ain’t new to it
Trusted in self, lusted and lured to it
So when the darkness overwhelms me
And the tide of life rises and swells
“It is well” is what compels me
When faced with adversity, Your truth constantly reminds me that you command the seas with ease
And with words you turn the wind to breeze
It helps me understand that we stand on solid rock not on sinking sand
Through the providence of pain you perfect your plan
Predestined to be tested when the works
And words of God cooperate and educate men in the great gift of Grace and Faith
And even though it’s obvious when my outlook’s ominous
You’ve bound my heart and my conscience and gave me a constant calmness
So when the pain comes like rain from the parts of life that maintains its strain
I can put my trust in the hands that sustain
It’s profound that with all these sinking ships around me
He surrounds me and he anchors me with his grace abounding 

Anchor of my soul, you sustain
When I’m in the storm, you remain
You remain, good to me
Good to me
Oh, Lord
You’re good to me, you’re good to me
Good to me"

If you want to listen to "Anchor": Click this Link!

Lastly, a quote from one of my favorite movies, which also happens to be the title of this post:

"Beginnings are usually scary, endings are usually sad, but it's what's in the middle that counts. So when you find yourself at the beginning, just give hope a chance to float up. And it will."

- Steven Rogers 

Runtastic Road Bike PRO

Well, my toes are frozen and my lips are as dry and cracked as a desert, but I have officially completed my first ride since being accepted to Bike & Build! While on said ride, I tested out an app called Runtastic Road Bike PRO. It's pretty nifty because at the end of the ride it gives a list of stats that sum up the ride. See!:

I plan on using it to track the tour this summer since I could upload a summary picture each day. The only potential problem is that it eats up a lot of battery life so my phone might not stay charged when I'm biking 6-8 hours a day. If you know of any ways to circumvent this issue, let me know!

Pimp My Blog

I just spent hours on Blogger's website tinkering with my blog's overall design, perfecting aspects of layout and flow. My ultimate goal in doing so was to make this blog more FUNctional for my audience (That's you!) and for myself as well.

One major change that I would like to point out is the addition of a sidebar. (Look...over there! ------>)

Let me break it down for you.

Now, you can easily link out to other websites and do things like:
1. Learn more about Bike & Build and its purpose.
2. Contribute to my rider account.
3. View the route that I will be biking this summer.

Or you can view other pages I created that display:
1. A list of those who have contributed financially.
2. A log of training miles I have biked.
Keep checking those pages as I will update them frequently from now until the start of the tour.

I sincerely hope you will benefit from these additions. Enjoy your time here!

Initial Donations

THANK YOU to EVERYONE who has shown me support in beginning this adventure, whether through "likes", comments, posts/reposts, texts, phone calls, spreading the word, congratulations, words of encouragement, thoughts, prayers...I could go on. I genuinely appreciate ALL that you have done!

I would like to give a special thanks to those who have donated financially. In just 4 days since announcing the news, $405 has been donated to my Bike & Build account! Thank you for helping me reach my goal of $4,500:
Martha Hewett

Jeremy Mullins

Elizabeth Webb

Lori Greenway

Deborah Barker

Elizabeth Hidlay

As I just mentioned (ever so nonchalantly), I need to raise a total of $4,500 in order to participate in the tour. If you donate, what will your money be used for, you might ask? Some of the money will go toward gear, food, and lodging as I make the 3-ish month journey across the country. But the majority of the money I raise will be donated to affordable housing organizations, such as Habitat for Humanity, that we will partner with by building houses along the way.

If you have the means and would like to contribute financially simply visit the --> Bike and Build Donation Page <-- and make sure to select my name from the drop down menu, like so:

Again, thank you for your continued support.

For you, baby brother...

Yesterday, I found out that I was chosen to participate in a Bike & Build ride this coming summer, specifically from South Carolina (my home state) to Santa Cruz, CA (where I lived for two summers with CRU). I was at work when I got the acceptance email, but that didn't stop me from giggling and celebrating and, yes, crying tears of joy. 

This opportunity means so much to me: 1. I will be accomplishing my personal goal of riding my bike ACROSS THE COUNTRY! (To make matters more excellent, I get to start in my favorite place in the world and finish in my #2 favorite place!)2. This organization will allow me to help other people as I do so. (It's not just my dream that will come true!) 3. I know, in the depths of my heart, that I will be taking steps to move forward in life and, prayerfully, find some amount of healing regarding the death of my brother, for HE WILL BE my inspiration.

Let me take a moment to explain why I so closely associate my brother with cycling. Admittedly, I never even owned a bike before he died. Perhaps, that's actually one of the biggest reasons I own one now. I bought my bike approximately one month after the motorcycle accident that took his life. (I mean, let's be real, what girl wouldn't resort to some sort of retail therapy at a time like that. And when I go, I go big.) I was only riding for about a month when my brother's would-be 21st passed. On his birthday weekend, my family and all of his friends gathered in downtown Greenville to eat dinner and release lanterns in his honor. His friends and riding buddies presented my Mom with a gift that night, something called a motorcycle guardian bell (this one in particular, engraved "Harry G"). My Mom didn't know what to do with the bell so she gave it to me and I decided to put it on my road bike. Sure, a road bike isn't a motorcycle but I'm hoping they'll make an exception, whoever they are.

An aside: There is a superstitious legend about gremlins causing motorcycle wrecks and protection found by simply possessing a small bell from a true friend that has become a very popular and meaningful tradition in the motorcycling world. (PLEASE: STOP AND GO HERE -Motorcycle Guardian Bell Legend- to find the full legend AND ITS SIGNIFICANCE.

To pull out one specific point about motorcycle guardian bells before I move on: "Whenever you see a biker with a bell, you'll know that he has been blessed with the most important thing in life -- friendship from a fellow biker. If you buy your own bell, the magic will still work but if you receive one as a gift from a friend or a loved one the magic is doubled because out there somewhere you have a friend looking out for you."

Whenever I ride now, I think about my brother. Granted, there's a lot of time to think so it would probably come naturally. I am reminded though because of the constant metal "tink...tink-tink" of his bell against my bike.

Yesterday, I found out that I was chosen to participate in a Bike & Build ride this coming summer and I cried tears of joy. But I also cried tears of sorrow because there's one very important person who won't be a part of my journey anymore, at least in the physical sense. 

I dedicate this blog and my ride this summer to him.

This is for you, baby brother.